Time is not on my side......

Its not too often that I have to wait for something that I want, desire, or need. I am pretty good at working things out to get what I want. Be that a car, a gun, some food, or any number of other items. But lately, I have been struggling with desiring a few items that are so far beyond my grasp that I have nothing to do but wait on God to provide some guidance- "No, Michael", or "Wait, Michael", or "Wait longer, Michael".  This has been tough for me.

My patience is wearing thin and the true Michael Porto is beginning to rear his ugly head. I am not a patient guy and I become sour quickly when I do not get what I want.

If you would ask me how I'm doing this morning, you might receive a completely different answer than you would if you asked me how I'm doing tonight, maybe even this afternoon. I have been on a roller coaster (emotionally) for the past few weeks and from the looks of things, the path ahead looks to be full of corkscrews and loops.

I seem to have lost my identity in the move. So much of what I used to be and how I used to define myself has been removed, replaced, or put on hold. I cant fire my guns (thanks Mass, for your ridiculously strict gun laws), I cant hunt, no motorcycle, no cornfields, no familiar intersections, different grocery stores, no more A.E products (sadness), no Halo (ruined my disk), no more late nights (I think I'm getting old), no running on trails (do they even exist where we live?), no more familiar faces, no family visits (actual or in-law), no more good beef, different newscasters, different streets, different people, different attitudes, different way of life, different words, different culture, and a different life.

It is strange always being in learning mode. Whenever I'm around people here, it seems that I always put myself in a learning mode- trying to find out as much as I can about them so that I get to know them. Rarely am I able to sit down and let go- only when I'm around the Libsta, and even then we usually have so much to talk about and digest and discuss and thing about. There is little time to relax and take a break from all the newness.

When I do find time, it is difficult to fill it with something normal. We don't live in a permanent place yet, so all of my possessions that are not needed are put away in storage. In other words, if I want to do something that is quasi-hobbyish, I cant. I find myself playing a lot of pointless games on my phone just to waste time because I cant think of anything else to do/ don't have the time to invest in it/ don't have the resources. I long for a trip to Hy-Vee for some chinese food. Or a trip over to Patrick's house for cribbage, pasta, and good company. I miss going over to the Noteboom's and just letting all my worries and cares disappear for a few hours as I spend time around people that I know love me despite my shortcomings.

Amidst all this though, I do have hope.

I have hope that this life is not all there is. I have hope that this life and its trials will end. I have hope that there is something greater than the way I am living. I have hope that my worries will be gone. I have hope that my needs will be fulfilled. I have hope that I am cared for and loved by one greater than all. I have hope that He hears my cries and knows my pain. I have hope that when I die, the worst will be over.

I have hope in Jesus Christ, his life, his death, and his resurrection. I have hope in his promises. I have hope in his Word.

So if you ask my how I'm doing and my response is not "better than I deserve", slap me upside the head and tell me to put my eyes on the cross and not on my petty troubles.

All that said, I could really go for some corn-fed, Iowa beef, some A.E. 2% chocolate milk, and some time spent obliterating several clay pigeons.

Thank God (literally and truthfully) that time is not on my side......

A Winter Wonderland

God is good and because of it I need to change.....

The Snow

Have you ever looked outside and seen so much snow that you think you cant take any more? Consider this- the landscape covered in snow is like Christ's blood covering the sins of an individual. Fall ends, and the land becomes a little dark and brown- then the snow falls and everything is covered in a blanket of snow and is pristine looking and bright. Much like the life of a person before Christ. Dark, covered in junk and then his sacrifice is applied and the individual looks clean and pristine.